Running Scared

You got out of the shower feeling sick....sicker than before....maybe because your heart hurt...You fall to your knees and throw up. Not a lot but a little to get you shaking.

Your scared.
Your Lost
Your Confused
Your Heart feels broken....

And your heart feels broken because of death.....not because of someone else....So you get up and wash your face. And you mutter out.

"I hate this...I hate it so much...."

You go to your bed and sit there looking at the ceiling just trying to unscramble your thoughts. You listen to sad music and you cry some more....You cry till you fall asleep. And then you dream. You dream your fear about a relationship....and then all you see and hear is your dead dog.... Then you wake up at 1 and you toss and turn and you can't stop thinking of two major things.... Your dog you loved and your salvation that calls himself an idiot cause he wasn't thinking...even if none of it was his fault..... And you stop for a minute. You stop thinking everything running in your head stops and shuts down. Then you realize nothing will ever be the same....and nothing will make sense for a while...not until you heal.....and you realize your not taking care of yourself...thats why your weak...and you aren't taking care of your self cause what do you care right now.....your trying to take care of someone else instead of you.....are you that selfless that you don't care how sick you are....but your gonna help any way....

But maybe you should just quiet now....I mean....You feel hopeless you feel so alone even when someones with you...maybe you just feel like shit more than usual cause your sick and weak....no matter what.....you know one feeling for sure....And...

I'm Afraid.... And I'm Runnining Scared...